


Dare to jump

by Athelye



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Violence, hxhbb, hxhbb19
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 22:04:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19343563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athelye/pseuds/Athelye
Summary: Killua is a time-jumper, while Alluka is schizophrenic. Their family is interested in experimenting on Alluka’s mental disorder, so Killua and Alluka are on the run from them, until Killua has a car accident. He wakes up after three weeks and finds out Illumi took Alluka.Killua has to jump back several times to save her, but during a ‘jump’ he falls for someone, Gon, a boy who loves him back, but who’ll also forget about him if he jumps again, due to the time travelling rules. They meet again a few times in different timelines and different situations, and Killua suffers because he thinks Gon doesn’t remember him.Actually, Gon remembers, but doesn’t tell Killua, not understanding why Killua seems the one who can’t remember when he clearly does.





	Dare to jump

#  _Time waits for no one, and if you don’t jump you’ll never learn how to fly._

_Damn it._

Where was it?

_Damn it._

Where did he hide it?!

_DAMN IT!_

Opening a drawer, he finally found a key. “Got it!” He exclaimed in joy, admiring the sparkle of the bronze key in his hand.

“Got you.”

He felt a steel can pointed to the back of his head. A small breeze entered from the open window on his left.

“Not this time, brother.” He said quietly. Then, he turned to the eel figure behind him, smiling one last time to him, before jumping out of the fourth floor’s window.

 

* * *

 

 

It was three o’clock in the afternoon when he gasped, waking up in violet sheets.

He panted, observing the place around him. “God, I’ve done it like a hundreds times before.. Why my heart always has to race like this every fucking time?!” He sighed, trying to breathe normally, running his fingers through his silver hair.

A small pink-haired girl, a nurse, entered the room.

“Good morning, Mr. Zoldyck. How are you feeling today?” She asked gently.

“Much better, thank you.” He answered, sitting on the bed.

“You will be dismissed today. Are you happy, sir?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t stand in here any longer!” He said, trying to seem excited. It was at least the seventh time he was saying the exact same line. “Excuse me, I might have lost the track of time. What day is it?”

“It’s February 2nd, sir.”

_Good, it’s still the same day. I have two months, starting now._

“Is there anything I can do for you before you leave, sir?”

“Uhm.. Actually, yes. Do you have a chocolate?” He asked with an optimistic smile.

 

Out. He was out of the hospital. Again.

He actually felt well, because the accident happened like a year ago for him. Not for the rest of the world, though.

He had this car accident in mid-December, while running away from his freak family. While trying to save his little sister from them.

_Alluka.. I’ll find you. This time will be different._

His sister had a schizophrenic disorder since she was younger, but their family never tried to treat or cure her the right way. They just tried to electrocute her while studying her, treating her like a lab rat, instead of helping her.

So, like someone who woke up from a nightmare, Killua decided to save Alluka from them, after years of torture.

Killua and Alluka were on the run for two years when he had the accident. He was driving to their home after he received a message from Milluki, in which his brother said that Illumi, their older brother, was on their track. And it wasn’t a friendly warning, it was a threat.

Killua just drove back home like crazy. All he could remember was that a car missed a ‘stop’ signal, and then woke up at the hospital, after three week of unconsciousness. He couldn’t recall anything clear about that day.

When he was finally able to leave the hospital, he ran back home in panic. But the only thing he found there was a note on his bed saying ‘ _Drive more safely next time, Killu_ ’.

He had been cursing himself, crying and screaming for days, while trying to find his sister.

_She could have been saved._

The first time after the accident, when he found her, it was too late. She had been dead for days. He found the autopsy report in an illicit asylum outside the borders. She couldn’t stand the electric shocks anymore, so her body just collapsed under the last session.

I _could have saved her, and_ I _will._

He kept saying it to himself in front of her grave, in the yard of that forsaken place. Then, he just walked to the nearest bridge, and thought intensely about the first day out of the hospital.

He took a deep breath, then he held tight the feather on his necklace and jumped, with people screaming around him in horror.

 

Sorry, forgot to tell: Killua was a time traveller, a ‘jumping’ one. He found out when he was eight.

While playing in a park, he found this soft, tan feather and, holding it in his little hand, jumped around, playing like a kid would do. He understood quite quickly what it really was and decided to bring it on him forever. He did a necklace with it, which he’d never taken off and never will.

He was twenty-five now, and in those almost seventeen years he discovered and wrote down a list of ‘rules’ of the time travelling jumps.

He listed sixteen rules, with a few specifications, by now. But, he was sure there were way more to discover.

He told nobody about the feather, nor the rules behind it. Not even to his sister.

To never forget them, he constantly repeated the list. For an hour on every Monday morning, he read and repeated them. He had started doing it since he collected the first six rules.

 

Anyway, since that leap, Killua started to investigate, to search her, jumping at least six times. It was probably the seventh.

He collected information every time, and suffered. He suffered a lot, because he had to acknowledge her death every single time. He read about the same death, again and again, picturing his little sister crying and screaming in pain until it was over. He couldn’t help but take the blame for it.

He almost thought that her death was inevitable. That, until on the fifth time, in which he found out where she was possibly hidden.

Killua ended up to talk with a doctor who met his sister and a ‘tall eel-look-like guy’ (that description perfectly fitted with his brother Illumi) and found out the day she would be transferred to the asylum, the one where he found her the first time. From that, he somehow managed to trace back where she was kept.

A some kind of unknown metal alloy barn, in a hidden place in Kukan’yu Kingdom, in the Visca Forest. It was in the same nation they chose to live in, at least for some time.

Indeed, Alluka chose to live in Zaban City, because she liked the tricky atmosphere around there. Killua accepted the idea because it was a pretty big and crowded city (not as Yorknew, his very first idea, but enough at the time). Also, it was next to an important harbour, and it was a centre of cultural exchange, due to all the people coming from all the world to watch the various kinds of shows and challenging races the city hosted.

The more new people arrived day by day, the more time their family would have spent trying to find them. It ended up they settled down there.

 

When Killua finally found out the place where Alluka was kept, he was able to reach it, but not to open it. It needed a damn key and a fucking combination.

And now, finally, he had the damn key, the only missing thing was the fucking combination.

_This time I’m closer, Alluka. I’m close to save you for good. I promise I’ll save you.._

Killua walked home, where he found once again the note on his bed. He read it again and felt a terrible pain inside. He decided to take a shower, trying to wash off the feeling of emptiness he was feeling for more than a year by now, every time he came back home. It wasn’t the same house without the cheerful girl in it.

After the useless shower, the silver-haired boy took his phone to make a call.

“Oi, Kurapika. It’s Killua.” He said, looking out the window. It was lightly raining. “Yes, I’m fine, I swear. Look.. I need a favour.”

 

Killua was waiting for the bus, wondering what would’ve been changed this time.

He needed to see Kurapika to check some things out, to see what he knew and if there was something new.

He sighed at the thought of explaining the entire situation to his friend for the umpteenth time. It was the most annoying part of the leaps.

Every time he jumped back, everyone zeroed their memories of him, of what he had done or told, of everything. So, it was really annoying to tell the exact same things to the exact same people a million times. The only thing that changed this time was the meeting place. Yes, because another annoying thing about the jumps was the ‘changing element’, how Killua called it.

Jumping back in time didn’t mean to rewind it the exact same way, there was always something different: it could be one thing or more. Everything could be the changing element: a plant in a vase of a window, a talk, the knowledge of someone about something. It was like playing roulette, to guess what could change.

Pretty annoying, uh.

Last times, Kurapika wanted to meet him in the afternoon, in a café; this time, instead, it was a bar on the evening.

When Killua arrived, he saw Kurapika with a.. woman? At least, Killua thought they were a woman, a very small and ugly one, though. He recognised her just getting closer.

Her name was Melody (he couldn’t remember the surname) and she was a music therapist. He already met her on the second ‘jump’.

Melody worked in a mental hospital in Kukan’yu he visited during that ‘jump’. She told him she saw someone like his sister, but it lead to nothing. Illumi probably set up something, because she wasn’t the only person who told him something similar that time.

During the second ‘jump’, Killua sought in all the asylums, mental hospitals and similar places of the entire nation, asking every doctor, nurse or even patients if they saw someone like Alluka. Many told him contrasting information.

But no one knew anything during the following ones or the previous.

So, Killua studied silently the small woman when he sat at their table, looking at her with mistrust.

“Killua, she is Melody. She’s a friend of mine and she’s a doctor in a mental hospital of around here.” Kurapika introduced her.

“Nice to meet you.” He said with a serious face. It wasn’t nice to meet her again in almost the same situation.

If Melody could’ve helped his sister, as her therapist, he surely would’ve been happy. But it wasn’t the case.

Now, Killua needed informations, and he was sure that woman didn’t have one for him.

“Nice to meet you, too. Kurapika told me something, but.. I’m so sorry, I’ve never seen someone like her..”

“Don’t worry. My brother’s almost certainly taken her somewhere less.. legal.” He commented.

She made a shocked look and murmured. “Why are you so sure?”

“I know him. He doesn’t care about her, never did. He just want a test subject on which he could make experiments. He’s like a crazy scientist who tests things for his own amusement.” Killua answered, quiet rage growing in his eyes.

The other two stayed silent.

“He’s.. He sees Alluka just as an experiment. He wants to see how far he can push her before she.. She..” His voice trailed off, while pictures of her in pain were emerging from that dark place of his mind. The one where he kept all the bad memories and sad thoughts.

Kurapika looked at him silently. He knew so well that empty, blue gaze. There was nothing to say to make the silver-haired boy feel better when that expression was on his face.

Melody stretched a hand towards his with kind eyes, but the boy gently avoided contact, getting up.

“Excuse me, I’m going to take something to drink.” He said, before leaving to go to the counter and sitting there.

Killua passed his fingers through his silver hair, sighing quietly, while waiting for the barista. He was tired, really tired, of repeating over and over the same actions and almost the same painful dialogues.

“One margarita for me and one daiquiri for him.” Said a guy on his right, pointing at him with his thumb.

“Oi stranger, thanks but I’m not..” He started, turning to the other guy. He was enough nervous already and not in the mood for lousy attempts of picking up on him, but his voice trailed off at the sight.

There was a guy with dark spikey hair, a little shorter than him, with big amber eyes and a green jacket and trousers.

Killua widened his eyes.

“What?” The guy said. “Don’t you like daiquiri? ‘Cause you have the face of someone who likes it.”

He blinked a few times, observing him, while a shy smile made its way on his lips. “Yeah.. I like it, actually. How did you know?”

“I’ve a good nose for people’s tastes. And you look like someone who likes sweet things.”

Killua smiled more at him. “I’m Killua.”

“I’m Gon.” He said back.

_I know_ , Killua wanted to say, but bit his tongue.

Killua already knew him. He met Gon a lot of times before.

 

* * *

 

 

He browsed several titles on the bookshelves, looking for something useful to his researches.

“ _Maps of Zaban City.. Land Registry.. List of Historic Buildings.._ ”

He read in a murmur, reasoning with himself. Some of those books could be helpful.  
He grabbed a few of them, then went to an empty table, ready to dive into his search for a place where Illumi could’ve hidden his sister.

To his surprise, he felt something hitting him repeatedly and fell. He figured out it wasn’t a surprise attack only after a couple of seconds, but only a pile of books that collapsed on him.

He immediately located who was the responsible. He had already opened his mouth to yell at the figure, definitely pissed off, when he recognised the green boy, the one he saw on the bus and at the station. The boy with a smile so bright to make him happy despite the constant sadness he felt inside. He worn just a green pair of trousers this time.

The dark-haired boy produced a squealing, followed by a choir of “ _shhh!_ ”. He literally threw himself to the ground on his knees, next to Killua, rushing to collect all Killua’s fallen books and murmuring a bunch of ‘ _sorry_ ’.

Killua gently placed a hand on his to stop him, smiling at him in amusement.

“Oi, nothing happened, calm down.”

The other paused and turned to him to say something, but instead he just blinked some times, trying to find words. “You..”

Killua suddenly remembered he didn’t know the green boy’s name. He forgot to ask last time.

“I’m Killua, by the way. Nice to meet you.”

The dark-haired one shook his head a little, as if he just woke up from a dream.

“I’m Gon.” He answered, putting on the huge smile Killua remembered.

The two picked each other’s books. Killua immediately offered to help him to carry some of Gon’s ones, since the dark-haired was carrying a dozen. There was no need to hit someone else.

When they reached the table, both of them started to flip through pages, with their noses buried in their readings. They unconsciously sat next to each other.

Killua occasionally cast a glance at the other, trying to find out what he studied, given the amount of books about biological-natural subjects.

Whispering, he drew his attention. “ _What are you studying?_ ”

Gon re-emerged from the pages with a grateful look, as if he’d almost drowned in that torrent of words and Killua had saved him just in time.

“ _Biology. You? Architecture?_ ” He asked, referring to the tomes piled up next to Killua.

“ _Uh? Oh, nope. They’re not for studying. It’s a research for, uhm, personal pleasure?_ ”

Gon seemed curious to find out more about him. “ _You like historic buildings? Cool!_ ”

It wasn’t exactly the definition Killua had in mind, but to unaware eyes it had to look so.

“ _I know a couple of places around here that no one knows anymore. My aunt told me they’re empty since my grandma was a child._ ”

The silver-haired shot up his eyebrows in surprise. He tried to hide his anxiety to ask. “ _Really? Where?_ ”

Gon smiled at him, probably happy for piquing his interest. “ _They’re not far from here. If you want, I can show you when we leave._ ”

Killua’s blue eyes lit up, and he nodded with a hoping smile. They smiled at each other again, right before returning to their books.

Killua took a moment to think about that boy and smiled.

_I shouldn’t_ , he said to himself.

But.. The thought of having an ally, just once.

Of having _that_ boy, Gon, which the destiny made him met already twice, as an ally, as a _friend_.

This thought gave him confidence.

Killua smiled to himself, with determination and a sparkle of happiness that bloomed in his chest.

_Just this once.._

 

* * *

 

 

The first time was after the first jump. He was on the bus, going to meet Kurapika, and he saw this green boy that caught his attention, because he was the only one helping an old woman to get on the bus and carrying her grocery bags. And that green boy smiled, he smiled all the time. He had got off the bus right before Killua, after asking him if it was the right bus stop, the nearest one to the theatre.

The second time he saw Gon was during the second jump. They were in a train station. Gon was with his aunt, Mito, and they were going to travel around the world for some time. The two boy casually sat near on a bench, waiting for the train, and chatted for almost two hours.

After the third jump, they met in a library in Zaban. Killua was searching informations about abandoned buildings or really old houses in Kukan’yu to check if Illumi was there. Gon, instead, was searching about rare plants and natural biology in general, but he accidentally bumped a pile of books, which fell on Killua. In that moment, right before yelling at him, Killua thought it would’ve been fun to have someone with him on his journey. Only for one jump.

What could have possibly gone wrong?

They became friends, and Gon really helped Killua with his research. But they failed to save Alluka, so Killua had to leap back.

The following time, too, even with what happened between them, he jumped again. Killua was determined to save Alluka first, but he ran into Gon again, in a park, searching plants. He couldn’t help but became friends with him again. And more, this time.

In fact, during the fourth jump, Killua fell in love with Gon, like totally. And Gon was really into Killua, too. They even started living together, at some point.

Killua learnt so many little things about Gon. His dream of becoming a biologist researcher, of living into the nature, far away from everyone and everything, of travelling with him, just the two of them. And his beaming smile. Killua sometimes thought Gon’s smile was so.. bright he couldn’t watch it for too long. He questioned himself so many times if it was right to be with him.

He discovered what it meant to actually _love_ someone and _be loved_ back, to make love with them under the stars while everything else was slipping away in pleasure, to feel complete with them.

But, once again, they didn’t reach Alluka in time.

And Killua was devastated. Both for losing Alluka again _and_ Gon this time, because he had to jump. He _had to_.

He would always remember the look on Gon’s face when the dark-haired boy found him crying, standing on the windowsill ready to step forward. He could never forget the horror in his gaze when their eyes interlocked. Not even in a million years.

That’s why he had written a specific rule about it, years before; that’s why he kept repeating them for years. That’s why he should have obeyed to his sixth rule: “ _Every time you jump, everyone you knew during that time will erase you from their memories. So don’t get attached_.”

That jump was one of the most difficult ones, because he couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t remember well the day at the hospital, the first day out. All Killua could think about was Gon. About how much he loved that green smiling boy and his stupid eco-friendly obsessions. About how all their memories would’ve been erased from his dark-haired head, but saved and stagnating in his own mind.

All the dreams for the future they had. All the ice creams they shared. All the hugs and kisses they gave to each other, the silly bickerings ended in sweet pokes and teasing.

All of it would have been lost in the waves of a time nobody lived but Killua.

All gone.

Killua was standing on the windowsill for about thirty minutes when Gon arrived in their flat. The dark-haired boy could only say his name one last time.

He was still crying when he woke up at the hospital.

After that, Killua tried to avoid some places where he knew Gon went. It was useless. The destiny kept throwing the dark-haired boy at him, on his way.

He kept seeing Gon: across the street, on the bus, sometimes in some green area trying to catch butterflies, and many other occasions.

It was so _painful_ to look at him, knowing what it was between them, and knowing he couldn’t have it back.

Their eyes interlocked so many times. Killua found himself staring at him almost too intensely too often when they saw each other. Their gazes seemed longing for each other, even if Killua knew it wasn’t possible, because the memory of him had been erased from Gon.

They never spoke. Killua avoided it as long as he could. Losing Gon once was bearable, twice would’ve been too much.

He was already suffering for so many losses.

The last time they met was in Padokea, when Killua was going to his family’s house (because he refused to call it ‘home’) to search the key of the barn where Alluka was kept.

Gon was with his aunt. They actually started travelling around the world. On that occasion, they were near Kukuroo Mountain, which was an attraction to all the biologists because of the various fauna and all. It was also really near to Killua’s previous house.

 

Killua didn’t think he would have met Gon there, in a bar. But, judging by the race of his heart at his sight, he was not over him. Not at all.

It was kind of strange to talk with Gon again, pretending to not know him at all when was true the contrary.

It was still damn painful, though.

Before Killua could think of it, they were talkin like not a day passed since the last time.

Gon told him about his studies and researches, his passions, his pet fox he rescued when it was a cub, about his family..

And Killua smiled. He just smiled at Gon the whole time he was talking, listening to the young man he realised he fell in love with almost five months before, or maybe more.

The thought twisted his heart.

After he saved Alluka, Killua thought, he wanted to try to get Gon back in his life, hoping it wasn’t too late.

“And you?” Gon asked, beaming at him like always did.

“Mh?”

“What about you? What do you like, want, or anything else?”

Killua thought about it. “I want to find the right number.”

Gon frowned. “Of what?”

The other chuckled. “A combination. I need to find the right one to get one of the most important things in my life.” He answered, sincerely. “I’m not a thief, if you were going to ask.”

“Oh, I know!” Gon laughed.

Killua raised an eyebrow. “How?”

The other blinked twice, like he caught him off guard. “Uhm.. I still have the wallet in my pocket.”

The silver-haired one looked at him and he burst out laughing.

“Why are you laughing?”

“You surely are naïve, Gon. In a cute way, though.”

Gon moaned in disappointment. “You’re rude. I’ve a lot of confidence in other people, that’s all.”

“And that’s why I’m laughing.” He answered.

“Anyway, I’m sure you’ll find your combination.” Gon affirmed.

“Why are you so sure?”

“Because you’re smart.”

The silver-haired one studied him with a smirk, before finishing his drink. “You do talk like you know me.”

“You do too, Kil-lu-a.” He said, doing the same.

In astonishment, Killua opened his mouth to say something, when someone talked behind him.

“Killua? Are you alright? You weren’t coming back, so Melody left.”

“Uhm.. Yeah, thank you, Kurapika. She couldn’t tell me nothing useful, anyway.”

Kurapika just smiled at him, then looked at the dark-haired guy. “And he is..?”

“Oh, he.. He is..” Started Killua, not knowing at all how to define him. Because ‘ _kind of ex boyfriend who doesn’t remember being my fiancée_ ’ wasn’t so easy to explain. To them both.

But Gon didn’t leave him the time to think of an answer.

“I’m Gon, the just-met guy. Nice to meet you!” He said with a smile, stretching his hand to the blond.

Killua looked at him in confusion. Was it a _zinger_?

No, it couldn’t be. They really just met in this timeline.

“Uhm, hi.. I’m Kurapika.” He shook his hand, a little perplexed. “Anyway, Killua, I’m going back home.”

“Alright. Uhm, can you check what I told you in your part of the Phantom Net?”

Kurapika frowned a little. Killua realised he talked about the informers’ network in front of a ‘stranger’. “I mean.. Your, uhm, website, y’know.” He added quickly.

“Yeah, sure.” Kurapika answered, visibly relieved.

“Thanks Kura, I owe you one.” _And one, and one, and one, and one.._

 

The Phantom Net was a secret system of informers through which you could know almost anything you wanted. Paying, of course.

But it wasn’t a common payment: you had to tell some deep and compromising secret in turn. It was a network known only by who was part of it. Killua sold many of his family’s deepest secrets to get the informations he needed in those past years.

That was part of the reason his family was on the hunt on him.

It wasn’t a violent system, not in the concrete sense of the word. But it could be as dangerous: if someone tried to sell fake informations, all the involved ones would’ve spoken publicly on the same subject, making them to fall in disgrace. It was also dangerous to talk about the Net in front of others who weren’t part of it.

It was divided in parts, depending on the kind of informations you were searching or selling.

Kurapika was mainly on the ‘secret crimes’ part, while Killua was on the ‘illicit activities’ one. By the way, they happened to know each other thanks to the Phantom Net.

 

After Kurapika left, Killua and Gon started to talk again. They stayed at the counter for at least two hours.

“So, you said you’re going North for your research? Shouldn’t you go South instead? I mean, sea has a lot more species, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah, well.. It’s complicated. I’m searching one specific thing, actually. And I know it’s near the borders.”

Gon going his same direction was a surprise. Killua already met him at the station and on a tour near his house, but it was different. This time, Gon was going _exactly_ in the area of Alluka’s barn.

He didn’t want to put Gon in danger, and going there alone was more than dangerous. What if Gon met his brother?

That’s why Killua tried to insist on other alternatives, no matter how annoying he was. But Gon didn’t want to change his mind.

He was leaving in three weeks, about the same time Killua was going to be around there.

_If something goes wrong, I’ll be there_ , he thought while they were talking.

At some point, Killua checked his watch and noticed it was really late. Although he knew by now what to do during the following days, he still needed to rest if possible.

Reluctantly, he said goodbye to Gon.

“See you soon, Killua!” He said happily.

Killua knew they were going to see each other again. The universe kept making them to meet, no matter what. No matter how hard Killua tried to avoid the other.

He already knew that the universe didn’t like him for jumping around, but that was far beyond spiting him: that was really a low blow.

_Is it too much to ask for some more time?_

It sounded like a joke even to his ears, considering he could _jump back in time_.

When he stepped out of the club, his phone buzzed.

He checked it, finding a photo from an unknown number. It was the check of what he and Gon ordered to drink. And there was _his phone number_ written on it.

‘ _Kind of you to leave a track ;)’_

Killua stopped and blinked a few times at the screen, staring the picture on it. There was something _wrong_ in it. Not considering the fact that he _did not_ write his number on the check. He was absolutely sure of it, no matter how much he could’ve drunk. He was so sure because he had..

Killua widened his eyes and ran back inside. He sought everywhere, but Gon was already gone.

 

_I’ve done it before._

 

* * *

 

 

Two weeks passed without Killua replying to Gon’s message. He refused to.

But, in the meantime, not a day passed without him wondering what _the hell_ happened.

He thought about Gon also while he was writing down all the possible combinations to try, or at least the ones that seemed logical to him. After all, he had just about one week left before going to the barn.

Six numbers.

Just six _fucking_ numbers kept him apart from Alluka.

He filled pages and pages with codes, trying to remember every date, every little event his oldest brother could consider important to himself.

_Damn Illumi. I’ll kill you when it’ll be all over. I swear it._

Killua spent hours matching the informations Kurapika gave him, assembling them in some kind of a logic scheme.

 

When the day of his departure arrived, he was expecting to meet Gon at the station, like some other jump. But it didn’t happen.

The young man never texted him again since that evening, and they never met again in the meantime. Killua would’ve lied if he said he wasn’t a little worried.

He tried not to think about it, but he deeply hoped to see the other’s dark and spikey hair on the train.

In a few hours, Killua arrived in a little town outside the Visca Forest and booked in a cheap hostel for the next month. He decided to go to the barn on the next day, determined to free his sister.

The next morning, Killua sighed in relief when he reached the place, seeing that the barn was exactly where he found it the previous times. He also found the same padlock and door lock on it.

He touched for the millionth time the bronze key in his pocket, just to be sure it was still there.

So, he sat down, taking out of the backpack his notebook, starting to try out the combinations.

The silver-haired boy started to turn the mechanism, numbers on numbers paraded in front of his eyes.

First attempt. _Wrong_. Well, it was predictable.

He tried again, and again, and again. All day long.

His list was still long when the sun started to set and the light to fade away. He caressed the steel door and whispered. “ _Wait for me, Alluka. I’ll save you, I swear._ ”

Killua tried for six days. He went to the barn every morning, leaving only when he couldn’t see the numbers on the sheet anymore because of the dark. Every day more tired than the previous one.

On the seventh morning, he had a breakdown and started crying in desperation. There was just one page of codes left, but in two hours he tried all of them.

Killua let himself falling to the ground, curled up and cried for hours, leaning with the back on that damn door. On the other side of it, there was Alluka, who’s heard all the curses and the cries of her brother.

 

But she couldn’t say anything to reassure him, to let him know she believed in him and that she wasn’t afraid. She wasn’t scared, because her big brother was right there, next to her.

The young girl couldn’t literally open her mouth, because of the stitches that kept it closed, that kept her lips stuck together. She observed the tube that connected her to a quiet machine, which kept beeping low for days and was still doing it.

It wasn’t a ‘life machine’, it shouldn’t keep her alive: there was another one for that. It just registered her emotions, the variation of her heartbeat, of her EEG and some other parameters.

Her oldest brother came in some times to check on her, to give her some new ‘treatments’ of his own devising. Illumi seemed to enjoy her screaming more than an actual improvement. It’s always been so.

Even when she was younger, Illumi tested on her all of his studies, no matter how cruel they were or how painful for her. He was just like one of his machines. He kept doing extremely painful things on her.

At least, Alluka thought, when they found out her disorder, he stopped being so cruel on all of them.

In fact, Illumi tried to push to their limits _all_ his siblings. Killua stood for her so many time, doubling his own rate of pain in her place. It was her way to free him from those treatments. To repay him for his protection.

Instead, she couldn’t care less about Milluki, who was actually _helping_ Illumi to pursue his freak studies on her, projecting new machines for him from time to time.

 

Alluka cried in silence, looking at her only friend in there. Her only friend at all, actually. She was also what made her disorder clear to everyone.

All kids have their imaginary friend, the ‘problem’ was that her one didn’t fade away when Alluka grew up.

Nanika, her twin in her mind. She was a girl looking exactly like her, but with those dark, big, sad eyes, while Alluka’s were blue and happy.

Nanika was always with Alluka. It didn’t matter if she existed only in her mind, she was there when Alluka needed her.

Alluka remembered the first time she told Killua about Nanika, when she was six and he was ten. He swore to keep her secret and said that he would’ve loved both Alluka and Nanika the same, because they were twins. He didn’t break his promise. He’d never broke any promise.

Nanika was discovered by a butler.

Alluka was repeating a school subject, when she accidentally added ‘right, _Nanika_?’ at the end of her sentence. That was the beginning of the real tortures for her. She had just turned sixteen.

She was almost twenty-one now and, despite all the attempts of Illumi, Nanika never left. She was her only company during those infernal days.

While Alluka and Nanika were on the run, Alluka could feel his brother tense whenever she talked with Nanika, but he always just smiled to her and, although he said he loved them both, told her it was important to remember ‘ _Nanika was only in her mind, and in her mind alone_ ’.

Her big brother never stopped protecting them both, though.

 

Even in that moment, he was right there, trying to find a way to get her away from that living hell. If only she could have said to him to not cry..

 

A voice called him, cutting through the whirlwind of his thoughts.

“Killua?”

He lifted his head from his knees to locate the source of it. His eyes were two pools of azure pain and tears.

After some seconds of refocusing his sight on the world around him, Killua found a bulky figure in the woods.

In a second, something clicked in his mind and he recognised the other with his eyes wide open.

“ _Gon..?_ ” He spoke, almost in a murmur.

The figure of the dark-haired guy heard him and became closer and clearer.

“ _Is.. Is it you?_ ” Tears still carving his cheeks.

“Killua!” The other exclaimed, now totally out of the forest and completely brighten by the sun, and kept getting closer.

Killua almost cried out his name, sprinting towards him and throwing his arms around the other’s neck.

Gon just held him as tight as he could. They stayed silent for some time, just hugging.

Killua whimpered quietly in the crook of Gon’s neck for several minutes before he could manage to calm down the sobbing a bit.

“Wh-What are you doing here?” Killua asked, somehow, recovering a little.

“I told you I would have been around here. For research.” He answered, looking at the other’s pale face with a smile. Then, Gon tenderly swiped a tear off of his pale cheek.

Killua shivered a bit at the contact, but he didn’t back out.

“And you?”

“I.. I was..” He locked his icy blue eyes in the other’s burning gold ones. “I was trying to open..”

Gon looked over the silver-haired young man’s shoulder. “Is your most important thing in there?”

Killua just nodded. Actually, both his most important people were there, some metres from each other.

“And the combination?”

Killua bit his lip in pain. He couldn’t find it. He tried hard, but he failed. Again.

He couldn’t save Alluka neither this time. He felt a burning and tearing pain, as if someone was slowly carving his chest and ripping out his heart.

He lowered his head. He was going to start crying again.

“Hey, hey, hey.. It’s okay, we’ll find it!” Added Gon quickly, squeezing him softly in his arms.

They came closer to the padlock incorporated into the door.

“Did you try your birthday?” The dark-haired said simply, as the other scoffed. “I mean 07 July, but in numbers, ergo 07 5859, without the year.”

Killua blinked twice. “How do you..”

“Try it.”

He obeyed, turning to the padlock. He started to turn the mechanism. “Anyway, I don’t see why it should be the right one date..” He whispered, and something clicked in his mind. _The date on the check, that’s what was wro-_

“Because you always say that, despite all, you were Illumi’s favourite.”

Killua eyes widened with the click of the lock. He turned to Gon right in time to see him smile, before getting run over by a female figure and falling to the ground.

Alluka was hugging him, trembling like a leaf. Killua managed to hug her back tight.

A muffled sound came from her and, as he gently lifted her head to see his sister sweet eyes, shock crept through his face.

“Alluka..” He caressed tenderly her cheek, his voice like a whisper in the air. “ _What has he done to you?_ ”

Alluka tried to smile, in spite of all the pain coming from the stitches around her lips.

“My little sister..” Murmured he in suffer, and held her tighter.

After a few minutes, Killua was carrying her in his arms, running through the woods after Gon, who was cutting the plants on their way to proceed faster. They reached the first hospital and relied Alluka to the doctors. There, Killua recognised the doctor who told him he saw someone like Alluka and Illumi a few jumps before.

While in the waiting room, he had time to reconnect all his thoughts. And one in particular was on the top of the list, now that Alluka was in safe hands.

“How did you know?” He turned to Gon.

“Know what?”

“My birthday date, or Illumi.” Killua said, serious.

“Oh, well. It’s simple. You told me.”

“No, I surely didn’t. I might not be sure about the birthday thing, but I’m _definitely_ sure about Illumi. Not that night at the bar.”

“I’ve never said it was on that night.” The other responded calmly.

“We never talked since then!”

Killua was starting to get angry, he could feel a hot feeling spreading through his lungs, when something came back to his mine.

The picture Gon sent him that night.

“The check. The date on it. It was wrong.” He said. “That’s why it felt _wrong_.”

Gon smiled, he could see the thoughts of the silver-haired one were coming back in place.

Killua ran his hands through his hair during the process of recollecting the things they said and putting them together, like puzzle’s pieces of his memory to form a clear picture.

“You..” He stared at him in shock. “You remembered?!”

Gon just nodded.

“You remembered.. All the times?” Killua asked, unbelieving.

“Yes. All of them pretty clear.”

He opened his mouth, caught totally off guard. “Also when we..?”

Gon blushed visibly. “Yes.. Definitely, yes.”

“Oh..”

“I still think you should close the curtains when we..”

“ _THERE’S NO NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT NOW._ ” Killua flushed bright red and suddenly raised his voice, causing Gon’s eyebrows to shoot up with a crooked smile.

“So, you remember, too, don’t you?”

“Of course _I_ remember.” He answered, still blushing.

“Why should it be so obvious that _you_ remember?” Asked Gon, confused.

“Too long story.” There was time to talk about it. The other sighed.

“Then why did you avoid me all this time?”

“What do you mean?” Killua frowned.

“Killua, I saw you looking at me, more than just once. You never tried to come closer, and when _I_ tried to approach you, you acted like you didn’t know me at all.” Gon explained, a little upset while recalling.

“Because I actually thought you didn’t remember about me at all.” Killua answered with a sigh. “You said you remember pretty much of it, right? So you must also remember when I jumped out of-”

“Yes.” He hissed, visibly still in pain. “Yes, and it was terrific. Beyond any comparisons!”

Gon’s reaction took Killua by surprise. He didn’t expect him to be so upset and hurt.

He did it so many times by now, it felt just normal. He’d never thought about the people who saw him falling, never thought about their feelings. He’d never imagined they could be hurt by it, probably because it was normal for them to forget about it.

“Why the hell did you have to do that?!”

Ok, now Gon was _growling_ at him, like a dog with his fur risen up.

“I’m sorry, I really am. I will explain it to you, I promise.. Just, not here. It’s not safe.” He murmured. “But, how could you remember? It shouldn’t have happened in your current timeline..”

“I can’t explain it very well.. I just remember. The first time I thought it was a dream, but I quickly realised it wasn’t. Or at least, if it was, it was a really curious coincidence to get to know you in real life after dreaming you.” He spoke. “And actually, I thought it was you not remembering me. Until I met you near Kukuroo Mountain, with my aunt. She didn’t remember about you at all, but I did, and you asked about Mito calling her my aunt. Without me telling you that she is my aunt, I mean. So, I guess I acknowledged you remembered as well as I did, even if you were playing dumb for some reason.”

“Wait a sec.. You’re telling me that all this time you were living the same two months over and over again?!”

Killua turned at him with eyes widened in shock as Gon nodded again.

“Yeah, and it was a nightmare. The first time I just thought I was just really tired because of studying late every night. After the third time I understood that something was wrong. Like, something in the time was totally broken.”

“Uhm.. I guess I’m sorry?” Killua raised an eyebrow.

“Why?” Gon tilted his head with a puzzled expression.

He shook his head lightly. “I’m telling you at home.”

“It was six months..” Said Gon after a few seconds of silence, in a low voice, looking at his hands.

“Mh?” Killua looked at him. “Since what?”

“Since the last time I held you so tight.” The other responded, making him open his mouth again.

“Gon?”

“Mh?” He lifted his head to meet the blue eyes in front of his.

“So.. Uhm.. You.. Goddammit. I can’t say it.” He snorted and Gon smiled in amusement.

“Say what?”

“Well, since you remember.. You.. Uhm.. Do you..” Killua tried again, huffing. “Ugh. Can’t you just say yes without me saying it?”

Gon was now interested, sincerely not getting the point. “I would, believe me, if only I got what you’re trying to tell me.” He chuckled.

Killua’s cheeks darkened a little. “You know!”

“No, I don’t, I swear!” Gon laughed.

The silver-haired boy groaned, looking the other way. It was too difficult under that golden gaze. “I’m trying to ask you to be together again.”

Gon’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You want me back?”

“Why shouldn’t I?” He pouted, then blushed a little more. “Excluding the curtains thing, ‘cause I like seeing the moonlight and stars.”

The other just smiled. “Of course.”

“Really?” Killua immediately turned to him with a surprised glance.

“Yeah. But you have to text me back next time I send you a message.” He winked and stuck his tongue out.

They laughed, teasing and joking friendly, and Killua felt his chest lighter. Were all the pieces getting back in their place?

A tall gangly doctor called them.

“Mr. Zoldyck? Your sister is fine. She is only dehydrated. Some days of resting in here and she will be totally fine.” The doctor said. “Although, there will remain the signs of the stitches for about a month or two.”

“That’s fine, I don’t care about the signs.” He spoke in relief, searching and holding Gon’s hand instinctively. “The only thing that matters to me is that she’s safe now.”

“She is, don’t worry.” The doctor smiled to him.

“Thanks. I really have to thank you more than you imagine.” Said Killua.

“There’s no need, really. It’s just my work and pleasure to make everyone in health again!” The man scratched the back of his neck, a little embarrassed. “Anyway! You can say hi to her, now.

Killua entered the white room and saw Alluka lying in bed. She seemed so small and weak, dipped in those white blankets. It was like to see her sinking in a cloud.

He reached her hand and held between his ones.

She gave him a tiny smile. “ _Hello, big brother.._ ” She murmured.

“ _Sh_.. No need to talk now. Rest, I’ll be here the whole time. I promise.”

Alluka nodded weakly and closed her eyes. A second later she was already sleeping.

Killua smiled, leaning forward to kiss softly her forehead. Gon saw his kind gaze to her from the doorstep and smiled a bit.

Then Killua left the room, sighing in relief while sitting next to Gon, right outside the door of Alluka’s room.

He rested his head on the other’s shoulder, fighting the need to close his eyes and sleep.

He was so tired.

Now that Alluka was safe, all the racked up tiredness and fatigue slipped on him in one hit.

“ _Killua, if you want to sleep, we can go.._ ”

“ _It’s almost two years I try to rescue her. There’s no way I’m leaving her alone in here._ ” He whispered.

“ _Ok, then, if you want to sleep on my shoulder, it’s ok to me_.”

Killua felt a tender kiss on his silver hair and some other sweet words whispered to him. But he couldn’t hear them all because he fell asleep in a matter of a pair of minutes.

When he woke up, his heart was racing. He looked around him, focusing the objects and then the dark-haired boy on his left, who was scrolling the screen of his phone.

“Good morning.” He said quietly, then glanced at him with a smile.

Killua rubbed his sleepy eyes and face, moaning a bit because of the stinging of his body. “ ‘Morning..” He managed to say just before yawning. “How much I slept?”

“About eight hours.”

“What?!” He winced. “And you stayed awake the whole time?”

Gon hummed, beaming at him. “You were worried for Alluka, so I stayed awake to check on her sometimes. She’s ok. She’s still sleeping.”

Killua looked at him and didn’t think before moving forward. In a second he was pressing his lips on Gon’s.

“ _Thank you.._ ” Killua whispered with a smile on his lips, then kissed him again.

A voice inside his head told him that his life, with Gon, would’ve been easier from now on.

 

* * *

 

 

When they were back home, in Zaban City, the first thing they did was choosing a new place to move in. Killua and Gon gave Alluka carte blanche in picking it.

The two of them still had an outstanding talk.

Killua closed the door behind them.

“So? What do you want to talk about?” Asked Gon, sitting on the bed.

“I promised I would’ve told you about the jump. I’m keeping the promise. After all, if we really want to be together, I guess you should know.” He answered, sitting next to him. “There’s no simple way to say it. I can jump back in time.”

Gon widened his eyes. “Oh.”

“Yep.”

“Like, uhm.. Rewinding it?”

“No, it’s more like jumping, indeed, in a precise moment of time.” Killua explained. “And, to go back in time, I have to leap. And to hold this.” He touched the feather of his necklace.

“Oooh.. Sounds cool!” Gon exclaimed. “But.. Where do you have to jump?”

“That’s the point. I can do it pretty everywhere, but the more risky the jump is, the more precise is my arrival.”

“So, that’s why you jumped out of our window that night. Since we were on the twelfth floor.”

“Exactly.”

“And why have you thought I forgot all about you?” His dark eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He was cute, though.

“Because it should have happened. I’ve made a list of ‘rules’ about the jumps.” He reached the drawer of his nightstand ad took a little notebook with a light blue lightning on it, then he gave it to Gon. “First page.”

The boy opened it carefully and started reading low, quickly glancing at the sheet.

“There are sixteen of them?”

“For now. I’m sure there are more. The last two are more my assumptions than real rules like the others, anyway.”

 

  1. _You have a limited number of jumps per year; after you run out of them, you have to wait two year to use them again, with the full charge. If you don’t spend all the jumps, at the end of the year, they automatically recharge full._

    * _The maximum number of jumps is 50._

    * _The year I’m talking about is not the solar one, but the individual’s one._

  2. _You can set the point of arrival of every jump by intensely thinking about that specific moment, but it’s not always accurate._

  3. _The more risky is the jump, the more precise the arrival._

    * _The chances are increased by the quantity of details you remember of the moment of arrival._

  4. _You can only jump back in time._

  5. _Every time you jump, something will change._

    * _You can not know what will change in advance; you can only assume what could change._

  6. _Every time you jump, everyone you knew during that time will erase you from their memories. So don’t get attached._

  7. _If something happens to you, it has to. You can jump back all the times you want to avoid it, but it will happen anyways._

    * _If you try to jump when you’re physically hurt, the wound won’t disappear and it will hurt you longer._

  8. _You need to hold the time-travel key to jump._

  9. _Only the owner of the key can use it._

  10. _The key will always come back to its owner._

  11. _The key can not be destroyed by anyone. Only the owner can do it._

  12. _You can jump back only on your lifetime. So no, you can’t see dinosaurs._

  13. _You can jump back, but your time still passes. Your body won’t get younger: you keep getting older. Be careful: if you jump back to your childhood at 20, you will still be 20._

  14. _When you jump back, you are the only one ‘yourself around’, so there is no risk of paradoxes._

  15. _The Universe doesn’t like you jumping around, and if you steal something from it, it will steal something from you. Watch your back._

  16. _If you have something physically on you (like in your pockets, stuck on your skin, etc..) when you jump, you will still have it when you arrive._

    * _It doesn’t apply to people._




 

“Wow.. It’s a lot of informations.” Commented Gon, raising his eyebrows.

“I know.”

“Do you remember all of them?”

“I have to. I repeat them every Monday morning for an hour.” Killua answered. “And you’re the first person beyond me knowing them, now.”

Gon raised his eyebrows even more, if possible. “I guess I have to be honoured.” Then turned to the list. “It’s because of the sixth one that you thought I wouldn’t have remembered you?

The silver-haired boy nodded.

“Then.. Why you bonded with me?” He frowned. “I mean, you’ve even written it down to not get attached.”

Killua scratched his nose a bit in distraction, blushing. “It’s not that I _chose_ to fall for you. I just thought it would’ve been fun to have a friend through this. I thought that making a friend for once wouldn’t have minded anyone.” He said, avoiding the other’s sweet gaze. “Clearly, I was wrong and deeply underestimating your.. being.”

“My being?”

“Yeah. You have this.. Way to approach things.. It’s kind of attractive.”

“I’m flattered.” Gon said, carrying a hand to his own chest in a dramatic gesture.

“You’re stupid.” The other responded.

“Rude.” He chuckled.

“Just when I want to be.” Killua winked.

Gon caught him by surprise, leaning forward to softly kiss him. “I like it, anyway.”

Killua darkened. “See.. You’re stupid..” He murmured with a smile, sweetly hitting the other’s nose with his own.

Gon pulled back smiling. “So.. When you said you were trying to save Alluka for almost two years..”

“I was telling the truth, although for the rest of the world just a few months passed since she was kidnapped.”

“How old are you, then?”

Killua blinked a couple of times, then lowered his head a bit taking his chin between two fingers, pressing one on his lips, and tried to think about the answer. “That’s a good question.. If you count from my birth date, I’m twenty-five. But if you consider also the jumps.. I should be about twenty-eight, I guess?”

Gon’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You don’t know?”

“Well, no.. I’ve never thought about it. I know when one year passes for my body, because I feel the jumps recharging full. It’s like a fizzy sensation all over my nerves.” He explained. “But I don’t remember the exact time that’s passed. I guess it should be about three years, counting these two trying to save Alluka, plus some more time in the past when I jumped to find out how it works.”

“Speaking of which. Now, we need to find a way to stop your brother.”

“What?! No way, Gon. We need to find a place to stay as far as possible from my brother.”

“But Killua, if we find a way..”

“There’s none.” He cut it short. “My family has connections with the government. Why do you think no one says anything, no one does anything, no one moves a damn finger for Alluka? Because it’s useful to them.”

Killua gritted his teeth. “Our priority, right now, is to stay in a safe place where he can’t find us.”

Gon made a disappointed face. “No one is untouchable, Killua. If we find a way you and Alluka don’t have to run anymore.”

“I’ve just told you, there isn’t.”

“Yes, there’s one. The Phantom Net.”

Killua widened his eyes. “And how do you..”

“I remember, remember?” Gon winked at him. “There has to be a way we could use it to our advantage.”

The silver-haired boy seemed to weigh his words and stared something in front of him, thinking.

“What do you think? Can we do it?”

“In theory, yes. But it’ll be difficult. The Phantom Troupe is an incredibly secure mechanism. You can’t spread fake news, or they’ll turn against you.”

“And that’s the point. If they haven’t anything on you, but only on your family, who said you have to be the liar?”

 

* * *

 

 

_Zaban City, three months later._

_On all the front-pages the same news._

_“Fog around the Zoldycks – Important family related to the Padokean government under arrest.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Gon was standing over the stoves, cooking breakfast, when Killua quietly entered the room.

“Good morning!”

The silver-haired boy walked closer to him, hugging him behind, and left some sweet kisses on his neck, murmuring something back on his skin. He cast an eye over his shoulder.

“What’re you doing?”

“Pancakes! To celebrate our victory!”

“Uh, how many? Alluka’s still sleeping, and she probably will for another good twenty minutes.”

“Then sit, in the meanwhile I’ll give you some.” He chuckled.

Killua did as he was told and after some minutes Gon put a plate with three pancakes with melted and whipped cream on them. His blue eyes lit up.

“See? That’s way I love you!” He exclaimed with a thousand-watt smile, while Gon snickered.

“Oh, really? I thought it was because of how I am in bed.”

Killua glanced at him with an amused smile and clicked his tongue. “Of course, _esssspecially_ your mouth. So, come here and use it..”

Gon smiled wider and bent down to kiss him softly.

 

For the first time in weeks, they chatted blithely, finally taking a relief breath.

“I’m going to wake Alluka up!”

Gon hummed, following the lithe boy until he disappeared in the hallway.

The dark-haired boy closed his eyelids, blinking for just a second. When he opened his eyes again, he needed a few more blinking to focus what was in front of him.

The fire was sizzling under the pan and the mix for the pancakes still in the bowl.

Gon felt two arms fondly wrapping around his chest. He smiled, shaking slowly his head.

“If wanted more, you just had to ask, you know right?”

Killua rubbed his smile on the other’s neck.

“ _Put more chocolate this time.._ ” He whispered before smacking a loud kiss behind his ear.

Gon chuckled. “On the pancakes or on you?”

The other stuck out his tongue before leaning with his chin on his shoulder, to watch him cooking.

 

Behind them, a tiny figure was quietly watching them, chatting and hugging, from the door. “ _Aren’t they cute, Nanika?_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I wrote this one for the HXHBB19 on January, and it turned out a bit different from how I thought at the beginning, but I'm almost totally satisfied with it!  
> Of course, it was inspired by "The Girl Who Leapt Through Time". I rewatched it for the hundredth time and I had this epiphany about an AU. Then, I saw the hxhbb on tumblr and thought "why not?", so I tried and this is the result :D  
> Also, the artwork is done by the amazing trashsketch (https://trashsketch.tumblr.com/), who is like my favourite artist and I'm actually screaming right now like a dumb fangirl. But it's probably cause I AM A DUMB FANGIRL. Never mind.  
> SSOOOO, [here's the link to her marvellous artwork](https://trashsketch.tumblr.com/post/185817005927/heres-a-piece-i-did-for-athelyewrites-hxh-big). I'm kinda exploding here, overwhelmed by my current joy.  
> Anyways, thanks for reading this story, if you liked it let me know *^*
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [~ tumblr](http://athelyewrites.tumblr.com/)  
> [[Athe writes]](https://athelyewrites.tumblr.com/tagged/athe-writes)


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